by Dr. Jon Reider, Former Senior Associate Director of Admissions, Stanford University
and Kit Muller, Former Admissions Counselor, Harvard University

How to Write the Personal Statement

Two prompts, 1000 words total, shorter answer no less than 250 words (Sample Questions from the University of California ("UC") application)

Prompt #1 (freshman applicants)

Describe the world you come from – for example, your family, community or school – and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Prompt #2 (all applicants)

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

The UC application calls its writing sample a "personal statement” rather than an essay because they don't want a creative, flowery, flashy result; they want a concise idea of who you are aside from your grades, test scores, and list of activities. This is not the time to wow them with your cleverness. What they want is as much information about you as possible as a supplement to what they already know from your transcripts and extracurricular listing. Information is the key word. Always ask yourself: is what I am writing providing them with information about me?

The first prompt of the personal statement is your chance to add "intangibles.” Where have you come from, and how have those circumstances "shaped” you? They are asking for something about your family background, type of school and curriculum, school-year and summer work experience, ethnicity and minority status, hardship (or lack thereof), community surroundings – as negatives or positives, deterrent or inspiration. You can write on more than one of these factors.

The instructions also specifically ask for explanations of any "questions an admissions evaluator will have” after reading the application. We call this a "blip” in the information. An admissions officer will notice if you have one semester with abnormally low grades – or unusually high ones, if you quit a sports team, if you changed schools, if you seem to have reduced your extracurricular activities dramatically, if you dropped a lot of classes.

By all means address the blips! This is your opportunity to explain, factually, if you have a learning disability or some other factor that has affected your academic performance. Maybe you got mono, or your parents got divorced, or someone close to you died, or you broke your leg, or you started working after school to save money for a car. Maybe it was just a terrible semester or you and the teacher clashed. Don't whine about the problem, but make it clear why there is an issue or why there was a change.

The second prompt asks you talk about a different side of yourself. Think of the first question as the "background,” parts of your life that have shaped you. The second prompt is the "foreground” – things you have actively chosen to do, or qualities and talents you have developed. Describing these can be used as a vehicle to bring out part of your character; as the prompt states, "the person you are.” This could be your ability to dance on your toes, rappel down a sheer cliff face, make people laugh, or organize prom. This is also the place where you can expand on an experience, accomplishment, or contribution that makes you proud and makes you the valuable person you are.

Checklist for student for UC application personal statement:

Length – The two statements together should total approximately 1000 words, with a good balance. Neither one can be less than 250 words, but try to keep them about the same, with each in the 400 – 600 word range. Don't shortchange either one, but it's okay if you have more to say about one than the other.

Spelling, grammar, and flow – Your writing should be correct grammatically and structurally, but also read smoothly, make sense, be thoughtful and pertinent, and not be wordy, flowery, or too "clever.”

Topic choice – What you choose to write about must come across as honest, heartfelt, and informative. If it doesn't seem to adequately round out your personality and convey what is important in your life, then you may need to rethink what you have written and either change or add topics.

Examples – The cited accomplishments, talents, qualities, etc. should be supported by concrete and specific examples that give the reader an insight into you as a person.

Originality – Even if the topic itself isn't unique (admissions counselors read hundreds of essays on divorce, building Habitat homes in Mexico, a death in the family, scoring the winning touchdown, and experiencing a fire or flood, so it's hard to have a completely new topic), the supporting examples or stories need to be original, and really get to the heart of the way in which that experience, talent, or contribution highlights a quality important to you.

Voice and Tone – An active, upbeat statement that says "This is who I am, and I think you're going to like me!” will leave a better impression that one that is dull, vague, lacking in examples, or sounds too much like a structured homework assignment. The writing should be straightforward, concise, and pertinent, but also personal, engaging, and revealing.